... the psychology of obesity and eating disorders, therapy and treatment in the philippines ... (life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, psychologist, psychiatrist, quezon city, manila)

dessa jimenez of abs-cbn's cheche lazaro presents asked me to share a bit of what i know about the psychology of obesity.

to start with, people have both positive and negative impressions of obese people.  on the positive side, obese people are considered jolly or masayahin like sta. clause, cute and huggable like a giant teddy bear, wealthy like donya buding or donya delilah (for those of you coming from the generation who watched John & Marsha), or authoritative like a sumo wrestler or mafia godfather.  on the negative side, obese people are treated as the butt of jokes, perceived as slow and lazy, and at worst, considered to be lacking in self-control and discipline.  

some people are triggered to eat by positive emotions such as when they feel happy, when they want to celebrate or reward themselves, when they relax in front of the tv or computer, or when they socialize.  others  are triggered to eat by negative emotions such as boredom, sadness, loneliness, worry, anger, frustration, or stress.  others eat not because of their emotional state, but simply because they enjoy the taste of food.

for those driven to eat because of negative emotions, their vicious cycle goes like this:  negative emotion --> overeating (aka comfort eating/ mindless eating) --> weight gain --> frustration, disappointment, and other negative emotions

obese people are generally self-conscious, especially of their tummy, thighs, neck and chin.  they may have poor body image and thus suffer from low self-esteem.  obese people are also prone to major depression, anxiety disorders, substance abuse (substances that increase metabolism. diuretics, laxatives), and bulimia nervosa wherein they purge what they've just eaten.  

practically all aspects of life are affected by their obesity.  for instance, they may suffer discrimination at work. they can't enjoy or engage in activities which most people take for granted (e.g., riding jeepneys or buses, entering CR cubicles, going to movies, or buying clothes off the rack).  obese people who are single get worried that they might not be able to find a lifetime partner. and for the obese people who are in relationship, even their sex lives suffer.  for instance, they are afraid that they might crush their partner, that they can't enjoy the sexual acrobatics of slimmer people, or that they might kill the sex urge of their partner as soon as they get naked.

short of bariatric surgery, what obese people need is a strategic plan.  obese people must first of all identify their specific foods of abuse.  contrary to popular belief, it's not junk food that is the primary culprit for obesity but delicious ulam (e.g., kaldereta, kare-kare, crispy pata, lechon, fried chicken with gravy, etc.) which makes them eat tons of rice.  these foods of abuse must be avoided at all cost.  obese people must also identify the situations (family gatherings, socials, watching tv, etc.) and the time of day (big breakfast or lunch, the midnight meal) that make them vulnerable to overeating.  and lastly, they need to correct the attitudes that promote overeating (e.g. 'i must eat all the left-over food of my family and friends because people in africa are dying of starvation.')

as a final word, here's my tip for you:  when you feel like eating when you shouldn't, just drink cold water, or suck on strongly mentholated sugarless candy, or try extra strong fisherman's wharf lozenges.  these will surely eradicate your food craving.

oh, and one more thing- rather than be plainly slim or thin, the greater goal for obese and non-obese people alike is to BE HEALTHY!

... the psychology of hazing ... (life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, psychiatrist, quezon city, manila, philippines)

in light of the latest murder through hazing, ac nicholls of solar network news passed by for an interview about the psychology of hazing in fraternities (sororities and gangs included).  

hazing is an initiation or rite of passage that uses control and power over others by inflicting ridicule, humiliation, a sense of anguish, or harm.  

hazing is believed to screen out initiates who are not serious, courageous, or worthy enough to be part of the fraternity.  because the initiates weathered the ordeal, they become more bonded to each other.  they also become more loyal to the fraternity since membership was nearly paid with their life.

for the hazer, it is usually out of loyalty in perpetuating the fraternity's traditions that he hazes.  besides loyalty, the hazer enjoys a sense of domination by making the neophytes pass through hell.  some hazers experienced severe discipline and corporal punishment in their childhood and are thus able to inflict the same on the neophytes.

the hazed neophyte, on a good note, is rewarded with a sense of accomplishment and self-discipline for successfully surviving the ordeal.  hazing however, has its apparent risks:  the risk of emotional stress and mental anguish, stress-related illnesses, psychiatric disorders such as depression, anxiety/ panic diorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, physical pain and injury, and sadly, even death.  the neophyte must possess a sense of desperation or death-defying thrill to belong to a group, at the expense of risking his own life.   

so what can we do?  we have to educate ourselves and others (frats, sororities, and gangs included) about the dangers of hazing.  we need to review our anti-hazing laws.  we need to organize campaigns against hazing.  and we need to reach out to and dissuade neophytes whose lives might be endangered by hazing rituals.  

 

... should i convert to my partner's religion? ... (life coach, counselor, psychotherapist, psychologist, psychiatrist, quezon city, manila, philippines)

gladys reyes of abs-cbn's umagang kay ganda posed to me the question "should i convert to my partner's religion?"

i answered her that it all depends on a number of factors.  one factor to consider is religious conviction.  if you don't espouse any strong affiliation towards your religion, then religious conversion will apparently not be such a big deal for you.  

interfaith marriages do exist in the animal kingdom!

another factor to consider is whether your partner strongly wants you to convert but you don't want to.  this conflict is best dealt with in premarital counseling.  three possibilities here:  (1) you convert, or (2) your partner accepts the fact that you won't, or (3) both of you end up at loggerheads and the relationship fizzles out.  

Selvakumar of Southern India married Selvi, his pet dog. 

I'm guessing that Selvi converted to Selvakumar's religion 

since they got married in a Hindu temple.  

By the way, Selvi is the one wearing the orange Sari.  

The black putty tat has fallen in love 

with a stone-hearted white cat, 

so I guess it's the soft-hearted black putty tat that converts.  

nadine schweigert will certainly not get into 

a religious conflict with her partner 

because she happily got married to herself.  

yes, we need to co-exist!

a third factor i'd like to discuss is when both you and your partner really don't care too much about each other's religions, but your in-laws do.  in this case, you can convert (and go through the motions, so to speak) just for the purpose of appeasing your in-laws.  the other option is, of course, not to convert and suffer from your in-law's religious discrimination.  if you can tolerate that, then don't change your religion.